I'm back.

Much like a bad penny, I continue to turn up when you least expect. Or, in the case of our newsletter, every Thursday.

I was away for a brief holiday of sleeping on aircraft and on airport floors last week. I love winter travel. Back to my desk that looks even messier than when I left it, and back to a full calendar of events. The first big one you should all put on your list is in our Dupont Circle store. If you are anything like me (I doubt any of you are. Thank your lucky something.) you went overboard the last few weeks and need some help de-toxing, stretching, and putting your life back in order. I have just the thing for you. The book is called "Hip, Tranquil Chick" by Kimberly Wilson. She is a very amazing woman who runs her own yoga studio on P street, set up her own foundation, wrote a book, recorded a CD and basically makes me feel like a complete loser for not having done anything like that. One thing she is, on top of all that, is lovely. We met at a book launch a little while back and decided to put together a talk near her studio to try and help the rest of us schlubs find some sort of center in our lives.

For some more info about Kimberly, her studio, foundation, and other places she will be speaking, you can go to her web site, www.hiptranquilchick.com . For a real taste of what this woman is about and how she got so far ahead of me in the world of grown ups, come join us at our Dupont circle location on Wednesday, January 10 at 7pm. Maybe she can show us all how to sort out our Three-Martini-Lunch-Lives, and live a more tranquil life.

If you can't make it to Dupont, you live in the Alexandria area, and yoga is not your thing. I have arranged something a little different for you. For those of you that have a hard time getting off the couch, you can come out to the Old Town store (Same night, same time) and hear about a little something that might change your life. A little something I like to call, A Nap. The book is called "Take a Nap, Change Your Life" By Sara Mednick. Really, how can you pass up something like that? Imagine telling your boss when get busted with your head down on your desk that you are changing your life. She must know what she is talking about, she has a PhD in Nap-ology. Okay, maybe it isn't in Nap-ology, but she is another person that is smarter than I am.

I am seriously torn about what event I will be attending. I am only one person and I have these two events at two different locations a good distance away from each other. I think I might have to drop back ten yards and punt. Then order a pizza and drink a bottle of red wine while I lounge on the sofa watching American Chopper.

In more personal news, I am going to run a 5k on New Years Eve Day. It is for MADD (Mothers against Drunk Drivers) and starts on the GMU campus in Fairfax.

I, being subversive, am going to wear my T shirt that says DAMM (Drunks Against Madd Mothers) and start at the Finish line working my way back to the Start.

I got my book and my CD for Christmas (See two Blogs ago) but am still waiting on the Solid Gold Harley. Two out of three isn't bad.

I am also going to make up some kick butt New Year's resolutions.
Right now!

1) Drink More Coffee.
2) Write more (look out for that one)
3) Beat Marky-mark in an arm wrestling match.

Okay, that is all I can think of right now. If I come up with anything new, I will post them next week. I hope to see some of you out at the events coming up. Happy New Year's Eve!

(If anyone wants to invite me to a party, I am free, house-broken, and mildly charming when spoken to.)

Editor's Note: Sara Mednick's PhD is not in Nap-ology. Napology is a mythical science that was last practiced by ancient Norse tribes in what is now Northern France. Everyone knows that. There really is a 5k run at the GMU campus. Blogger boy will NOT be wearing a shirt that says DAMM (Although, that is pretty funny). He does not own a shirt that says DAMM and has nothing against Mothers no matter how mad they get. He will be wearing a Tenacious D shirt to the run. Last note. American Chopper is a REALLY good show and is moving from the Discovery Channel to TLC. Check your local listings.

So I am driving to work this morning and it hits me. Not literally, nothing hit me literally but I was driving along being annoyed by morning radio when I switched over to the classic rock station and heard The Song. (Note how I made that a proper noun? Ah, the joy of the written word, the power of capital letters.) Now, The Song can change depending on your mood, the weather, the other people in the car, anything really, but this morning I heard The Song and I was struck by an epiphany. My socks didn't quite fly off, but The Song hit me deep in my soul as I was driving along the East West Highway and I knew what had to be done. I knew it was going to be my destiny to get an oversized guitar and learn to play this song.

By now, I hope you are wondering what song I am talking about. The Song I heard this morning that hit my soul so hard was none other than, "Wont get Fooled Again" by the Who. For those of you that are too young to remember Keith Moon getting run over by his own car in front of the Slug and Lettuce after a night of hard drinking. (You know you had too much booze when you get run over by your own car. I am not even sure how that happens.) For the younger among you that have no idea who The Who are, you know the songs that play at the beginning of all the CSI episodes? Not just regular CSI, but all the CSIs. That massive Power Chord that punches you in the chest and makes you weep just a little. Okay, the weeping might be caused by David Karruso's acting, but the Power Chord still rings true. Those songs are all written by The Who!

The CSIs are all introduced with different songs, but each song is by The Who. I wonder how much money Pete Townsend makes from that? Who cares. He can still rock even though he can barely hear. I suppose that be one of the downsides to being in a rock band. Going deaf, overdosing on occasion, seeing your friends drop off all around you, okay maybe it isn't all hearts and flowers, though I still believe it would be worth it. A life altering power chord is something pretty good to put on your resume.

The Who have a new album out. It is called Endless Wire and is selling like pamcakes (yes, I said Pamcakes) in the stores. They (All two members of the Who) are touring through DC and it is obvious to me that this band is still current and still has something to say. I think I am going to have to fax a last minute request off to Santa and see if he can fit the new Who album into his shirt pocket and drop it off for me. I might just be getting coal, but if he sees fit to notice that I let a driver cut me off without cursing the other day, maybe I will get it. Come on Santa, it is only $13.99 from your local Olsson's.

Anyway, that is my destiny. I am going to find myself a second-hand guitar, gain twenty pounds and convince Evan to teach me two or three chords so I can charge myself up every morning with a healthy dose of Rock and Roll. Maybe I can figure out a way to introduce an author with a Roger Daltry-esqe wail and a monster E. Maybe it is a C. It might even be a D, see how important these lessons are going to be? Wish me luck. Until then I will be home practicing my rock face.

Editors note: Blogger boy will be back after the holiday break and promises to write about something that relates to his job. If he doesn't, Alexis has vowed to take him out back and beat him with a bar of soap in a sock.

So, what does everyone want for Christmas? Come on, you can tell me. Imagine for a moment that I am Santa Claus and that you are, once again, eight years old -- If you are eight or less and reading this, I am very proud of you. Stick with me, the stories will start to make sense when you hit 25 -- Imagine you are eight and telling someone what you want for Christmas. Climb up onto your keyboard and whisper into your monitor. Or, you could just type. That might be more effective.

It will be fun, I promise. Just like when you were little without having to wait in a long line still bundled in your winter coat with your hat and mittens. The too-loud holiday songs blasting in your ears, listening to the screaming kid in front of you cry about how he doesn't want to see Santa all the while having to go to the bathroom, but not wanting to loose your good place in line. Hoping against hope that your eight year old bladder can withstand the pressure of the quart-sized glass of fruit punch you drank before your parents dropped you off.

Wow, maybe this won't be fun. I know, I will start and then you won't have to be scared.

This year I asked for a copy of Bill Bryson's "Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid". Don't ask me what it is about, I just like the name of it and I historically enjoy Bryson's books. Have I mentioned that he is tall? If I had to guess, I would imagine it has something to do with the life and times of some kid who may, or may not, have anything to do with Thunderbolts. This kid might be Bryson, I will let you know in a few weeks.

Along with the book, I asked for a new CD. Not just any CD, a boxed set. The Tom Waits boxed set. I believe it is called "Orphans". I like Tom Waits. He makes me feel good about myself. For those of you not familiar with Tom Waits, he is kinda bluesy. Not in a Muddy Waters/B.B. King sort of way, more in a "I am so depressed I could fill the tub with Whiskey, climb in and not come out" sort of way. He writes and sings songs that would just about make you want to drink yourself to death. Plus his voice lets me believe I can become a singer someday. So that makes him a blues man in my eyes. I don't know what that says about me, but I like the man and I likes his work. (Yes, I know I said "likes".)

I also asked for some new pajamas, a new bag to cart my work junk around in, a solid gold Harley with machine guns on the front, (You never know if you don't ask) Spiderman Under Roos, and the other typical things a person is supposed to ask for.

Okay, your turn. What did you ask for? Or, what are you looking forward to?
Personally, I am looking forward to a gallon of eggnog spiked with spiced pumpkin moonshine. (I know a guy.) That should be enough to help me make it through the holidays, or it will put me in an alcohol/fat coma until it is all over and January fades in.

If anyone is looking for a few suggestions about good holiday gifts, I can recommend a couple things. In DVD land, any male around 30 would should own at least one of these films; "Deliverance". I know what you are thinking, The Ned Beatty scene right? Come on, it was directed by John Boorman, Uncle Burt was young, handsome and not a joke yet, it is a perfect, manly, buddy film. Wouldn't you shoot a guy who was about to do that to your friend?

"Flash Gordon". Not the old timey one your dad made you watch on television. I am talking about the ultra cheesed out 1980 version with Max von Sydow as Ming. Come on, Queen did the soundtrack! As a side note, I keep the soundtrack in my car and sometimes I pop it in when I am zipping through traffic. It just rocks!

Last one:

"Full Metal Jacket" Some might tell you that "Apocalypse Now" is the superior film, but I will take R. Lee Ermey as Sgt. Hartman over Robert Duvall as Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore any day. If I were in a scrape, I would want Hartman on my side, sure Kilgore can surf, but no one can yell, scream and curse like Ermey. All it would take is him asking what my name was to make me glad I asked Santa for those new Spiderman Under Roos.

I hope you all get something good this year and stick around long enough for me to get to some event news.

For those of you who tuned in late, last week's post was a page out of my forthcoming (Someday) book. It took place last year in London around the tiny table in my flat. I had to buy folding chairs to seat the guests and I still have them on the porch.

We had a little technical glitch on our side and our blogs took a bit longer to get posted. Sometimes you just can't push the 'enter' button hard enough for the computer to know what you mean by "publish". Silly computers, why can't we all just get along?

Anyway. I had the chance to go down to our Dupont store and host a speaking event this week. This was a book I could really get my head around. The "Hemingway and Bailey Bartending Guide to Great American Writers" (I love the long title). Not only is it a bar guide that gives you the recipes for all the best, classic cocktails from the era of classic cocktails, it lets you know what author prefered said cocktails.

Did I mention the book was about cocktails? It does go a bit beyond the typical "...Mark Twain liked to drink bourbon. He drank bourbon sometimes with dinner and sometimes without dinner." * The authors did extensive research into hard-drinking American authors and the drinks they enjoyed. It is layered with excerpts from the author's more famous works and punctuated with original illustrations by Ed Hemingway.

If you were wondering, he is THAT kind of Hemingway. All the way from the frozen tundra of Montana. His grandfather was Papa Hemingway of the bullfights, safari hunts, and old men wrestling with their demons against giant Marlins. Some people can't get into a Hemingway book, but I think they are great. They are brief, to the point and sometimes painful, just like life should be. I would be hard pressed to pick a favorite but the whole concept of Ernest Hemingway makes sense to me.

Given my feelings about Hemingway, I was very excited to get the chance to meet Ed. We talked a little about growing up in the mountain states and where he got his inspiration for all the illustrations. So many authors from the book are known to us in name only. You may know that Sinclair Lewis won a Noble Prize, but could you pick him out of a line up? Ed's drawings bring life and interest to otherwise faceless entities that might ring a bell if you heard the name in the right context.

The guys were kind enough to sign all the copies I had in the store and to personalize a few for me to give out as Christmas gifts to my drunken friends and family members. All this even after the botched introduction I gave them. (I am a much better speaker when I have a drink in hand.)

Altogether, it was a success in my eyes.

What other good event news can I tell you about? Things are starting to quiet down a bit on the Event Front leading up to the big holiday. I have a couple things on the horizon for the end of December (See the event calendar, I can't do it all for you.) and then it is smooth sailing until January. I have some good things booked for the first of the year and I have been spending all my free time looking through the catalogs for the summer. If you didn't know, booking authors is like picking out toys from the Sears catalog when I was a kid. You lay the catalogs out on the floor and circle the things you want out of them, then you hand it off to Santa (Or a book rep) and wait to see if you got what you asked for. Neat, huh?

On a more personal note, I got a new Tattoo and I didn't make it to the gym all week. I did have martinis with Joe Murphy for dinner the other night. No food, just the martinis. If the bar wouldn't have closed on us we might have had time for three or six more. Good thing Old Man Time stepped in and asked us to stop before we hurt ourselves.

Another week of event-ish goodness awaits, so I best get back to it.

Editor's note: There is no proof that Mark Twain drank Bourbon with or without dinner. This is only an example comment by the Blogger to demonstrate how the Bailey Book is not written. Twain may have drank Bourbon. Heck, I drink Bourbon. Bourbon is a very good drink. In fact, I think I will pop out for one after work.

Blogger's note: You may or may not remember that I am the editor of this blog as well as the writer, and I only drink bourbon when I have a cold. Unless you say it too often, then the idea sticks in my head worse than "Yellow Submarine"