Genius!
I did it! I invented the greatest thing the world has ever seen or heard of! No, not Inward-singing. That was invented long ago by a man much smarter than I am. Curious? Okay, here it is.
I am going to start a private emergency services program that is all--wait for it--Internet Based! See? Genius! But, how will it work you ask? Simple. When you have an emergency, you will simply log on to the website and fill out a basic form. This form will be emailed off to my tech support team in an undisclosed foreign country who will read the report and call the correct emergency service for you. That way, you won't have any pesky Nine-one-one operators asking you silly questions and confusing you. Our service professionals will field all questions and make certain that you get the proper attention you deserve. A simple click of the mouse, and authorities arrive at your door in mere moments.
We would, of course make certain that the people coming to your door meet only the highest standards of quality and would ask the local authorities to be sure their representatives are up to our levels. If they refuse to conform to our standards, we would have to withhold referrals to them. This may cause a minor inconvenience to you the consumer, but we only have your best interests in mind. We would hate for an individual to come to your emergency and not be courteous, friendly, in perfect shape and pleasing to the eye. We want to make certain that your emergency services experience is absolutely perfect and if that means not allowing you access to these services, then so be it.
So that is my plan. When you see it happening in your home town, remember that it was my idea first. Anyone who attempts this idea without my consent will owe me millions of dollars. Millions.
Anything happening in eventland? Oh, just a tiny thing I like to call, "Klosterman IV at Lansburgh on Monday, July 9th"! That name might be a little long. Maybe I can make it an acronym. K4@L.J9? That almost works.
For those of you who don't know, Chuck Klosterman is the greatest cultural observer of our generation. He has worked for Spin Magazine as their music writer, written four books and he grew up outside of Fargo ND. What is there to NOT like about him?
I read "Fargo Rock City" shortly after I got back from London at the behest of a friend at Waterstone's. I was sucked right in to his world of small town antics and his desire to do something more than play basketball, drink light beer and listen to Twisted Sister. Something like, play basketball, drink dark beer and listen to twisted sister in New York all the while maintaining some resemblance to having a respectable job and being a "grown up".
I have bought every book he has written and am SO excited to be able to host him in not one, but two separate events in DC. That's right Chuck is so popular he had to do a second show. On Monday, July 9th he will be at out Penn Quarter store starting at 7pm. He will talk about whatever he likes and then take some questions from the audience. If we are lucky, he will sign our books at the end. After the event, he and I are going out drinking until dawn Woo-Hoo!
The second night will be Tuesday, July 10th but not at the store. Starting at 7 again, Chuck will be reading at the in Columbia Heights. Same format as the night before, but this time there will be drinks involved. If you are hungry, the Wonder' serves good bar grub to go along with the vast assortment of drinks on the menu. I will have books available for everyone to buy (and you better buy the books otherwise I won't be able to bring him again) and I am certain the topics of conversation will vary from the ones that can be covered in a bookstore environment.
In summary, Internet Police Force is my idea. It may cause problems with local cops due to job loss and lower pay but they won't mind because they will be getting everything cheaper in the end.
Chuck Klosterman, pop culture genius of our generation will be in Lansburgh on July 9th and at the Wonderland Ballroom on July 10th. I hope to see you all at one of the events and you better buy books.
Talk to you all next week.
I am going to start a private emergency services program that is all--wait for it--Internet Based! See? Genius! But, how will it work you ask? Simple. When you have an emergency, you will simply log on to the website and fill out a basic form. This form will be emailed off to my tech support team in an undisclosed foreign country who will read the report and call the correct emergency service for you. That way, you won't have any pesky Nine-one-one operators asking you silly questions and confusing you. Our service professionals will field all questions and make certain that you get the proper attention you deserve. A simple click of the mouse, and authorities arrive at your door in mere moments. We would, of course make certain that the people coming to your door meet only the highest standards of quality and would ask the local authorities to be sure their representatives are up to our levels. If they refuse to conform to our standards, we would have to withhold referrals to them. This may cause a minor inconvenience to you the consumer, but we only have your best interests in mind. We would hate for an individual to come to your emergency and not be courteous, friendly, in perfect shape and pleasing to the eye. We want to make certain that your emergency services experience is absolutely perfect and if that means not allowing you access to these services, then so be it.So that is my plan. When you see it happening in your home town, remember that it was my idea first. Anyone who attempts this idea without my consent will owe me millions of dollars. Millions.
Anything happening in eventland? Oh, just a tiny thing I like to call, "Klosterman IV at Lansburgh on Monday, July 9th"! That name might be a little long. Maybe I can make it an acronym. K4@L.J9? That almost works.For those of you who don't know, Chuck Klosterman is the greatest cultural observer of our generation. He has worked for Spin Magazine as their music writer, written four books and he grew up outside of Fargo ND. What is there to NOT like about him?
I read "Fargo Rock City" shortly after I got back from London at the behest of a friend at Waterstone's. I was sucked right in to his world of small town antics and his desire to do something more than play basketball, drink light beer and listen to Twisted Sister. Something like, play basketball, drink dark beer and listen to twisted sister in New York all the while maintaining some resemblance to having a respectable job and being a "grown up". I have bought every book he has written and am SO excited to be able to host him in not one, but two separate events in DC. That's right Chuck is so popular he had to do a second show. On Monday, July 9th he will be at out Penn Quarter store starting at 7pm. He will talk about whatever he likes and then take some questions from the audience. If we are lucky, he will sign our books at the end. After the event, he and I are going out drinking until dawn Woo-Hoo!
The second night will be Tuesday, July 10th but not at the store. Starting at 7 again, Chuck will be reading at the in Columbia Heights. Same format as the night before, but this time there will be drinks involved. If you are hungry, the Wonder' serves good bar grub to go along with the vast assortment of drinks on the menu. I will have books available for everyone to buy (and you better buy the books otherwise I won't be able to bring him again) and I am certain the topics of conversation will vary from the ones that can be covered in a bookstore environment.
In summary, Internet Police Force is my idea. It may cause problems with local cops due to job loss and lower pay but they won't mind because they will be getting everything cheaper in the end.
Chuck Klosterman, pop culture genius of our generation will be in Lansburgh on July 9th and at the Wonderland Ballroom on July 10th. I hope to see you all at one of the events and you better buy books.
Talk to you all next week.
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