Thanks!
Hey Everyone!
Because of the Holiday next week, we are event free. I didn't want anything getting in the way of you and your plans to eat 15 pounds of Turkey. I am still off the bird, but I would never say or do anything to impede your happiness. If you are roasting and eating on Thursday, more power to you. I wont even harp on you about how your bird was raised and all that. It is a holiday, go forth and give thanks!
Once you have overdosed on Cranberries and Sweet Potatoes, watched a day of football and then put up the Christmas lights, you might want to go out and do a little shopping. "Black-Friday" shopping is like going on a hunting trip, in my head.
Think about it. You put out all your gear the night before and set your alarm for the wee hours of the morning. Then you lie awake all that night thinking of the routes you are going to take and what you are going to do when you encounter the beast you are stalking. Knowing your quarry is hugely important, and if you are smart, you have been to the hunting grounds a day or two before to make sure the items you want are there and you know their exact location.
In the misty pre-dawn, you get out of bed well before your alarm and prepare for your hunt. You pack yourself a early morning snack. Something small, but packed full of calories to give you an energy boost, Trail mix or a power bar of some sort. A thermos full of coffee will give you a jolt AND put you ahead of those saps that plan on stopping at Starbys. If you are one of those cruel parents, the children are then roused from slumber and stuffed into car seats still clutching pillows and blankets.
Shopping, like hunting, is best done in packs. You may think a single shopper, like a cheetah, can sprint to the goal and succeed but a lone shopper can be taken over by larger more aggressive groups of shoppers that sense the loner's weakness. Say you are out there on your own and happen to make it through the snarling packs of Holiday shoppers and lay your hands on a "Tickle Me Elmo" or whatever, chances are it will be yanked from your hands while you are thinking if your niece really needs another toy to annoy her parents. You might try to get your "Elmo" back, but you will be surrounded by pack hunters who, like hyena will nip at your heels and torment you until you give up your prize, defeated. Like the Cheetah, you will have spent too much energy chasing your prey and it is smarter for you to beg off this fight and live to hunt another day.
Once you have rendezvoused with the rest of your pack you can compare notes on the layout of the store and what each of you is after. If your pack is large enough, you may be able to storm the gates of Wall-Mart like the Germans did Poland. A little blitzkrieg at your local WallyWorld. Be careful though, I hear they sell guns at some of those stores and that old guy at the door? The greeter guy who offers you a cart? He is a trained special forces member. The old guy thing is a disguise. To be safe, maybe you should give the Mega Chains a pass and do some civilized shopping down at your local independent business. Sure you can get your Mass Market Generic Christmas gifts at Target Mart, But that is what everyone will be giving. Why not give that special someone a little something special. Why not a signed first edition of that author they like so much.
Enough of the preachin'. Have a good Holiday everyone. Eat to your heart's content or, failing that, eat until your pants are content. Or they burst. Your choice.
Oh! One last thing, don't forget the big Vince Flynn event at our Crystal City location. Tonight! Remember, if you aren't at this event, you are supporting terrorism. The government knows if you are there or not. If you don't want Blackwater coming to your house, I would get down there and buy a book. Buy two, just to be safe.
Editor's Notes: Just a quick note to say if you don't make it the the Vince Flynn event, Blackwater will NOT come to your house. There is no way that they could ever know that you were not buying a --Hold on. There is someone at the door. (Muffled slaps, grunts and cries) --Okay. Maybe they can. I am going to put some ice on this eye and I will see you ALL at the Flynn event on Tursday. ~Ouch~.
Because of the Holiday next week, we are event free. I didn't want anything getting in the way of you and your plans to eat 15 pounds of Turkey. I am still off the bird, but I would never say or do anything to impede your happiness. If you are roasting and eating on Thursday, more power to you. I wont even harp on you about how your bird was raised and all that. It is a holiday, go forth and give thanks!
Once you have overdosed on Cranberries and Sweet Potatoes, watched a day of football and then put up the Christmas lights, you might want to go out and do a little shopping. "Black-Friday" shopping is like going on a hunting trip, in my head.
Think about it. You put out all your gear the night before and set your alarm for the wee hours of the morning. Then you lie awake all that night thinking of the routes you are going to take and what you are going to do when you encounter the beast you are stalking. Knowing your quarry is hugely important, and if you are smart, you have been to the hunting grounds a day or two before to make sure the items you want are there and you know their exact location.
In the misty pre-dawn, you get out of bed well before your alarm and prepare for your hunt. You pack yourself a early morning snack. Something small, but packed full of calories to give you an energy boost, Trail mix or a power bar of some sort. A thermos full of coffee will give you a jolt AND put you ahead of those saps that plan on stopping at Starbys. If you are one of those cruel parents, the children are then roused from slumber and stuffed into car seats still clutching pillows and blankets.
Shopping, like hunting, is best done in packs. You may think a single shopper, like a cheetah, can sprint to the goal and succeed but a lone shopper can be taken over by larger more aggressive groups of shoppers that sense the loner's weakness. Say you are out there on your own and happen to make it through the snarling packs of Holiday shoppers and lay your hands on a "Tickle Me Elmo" or whatever, chances are it will be yanked from your hands while you are thinking if your niece really needs another toy to annoy her parents. You might try to get your "Elmo" back, but you will be surrounded by pack hunters who, like hyena will nip at your heels and torment you until you give up your prize, defeated. Like the Cheetah, you will have spent too much energy chasing your prey and it is smarter for you to beg off this fight and live to hunt another day.
Once you have rendezvoused with the rest of your pack you can compare notes on the layout of the store and what each of you is after. If your pack is large enough, you may be able to storm the gates of Wall-Mart like the Germans did Poland. A little blitzkrieg at your local WallyWorld. Be careful though, I hear they sell guns at some of those stores and that old guy at the door? The greeter guy who offers you a cart? He is a trained special forces member. The old guy thing is a disguise. To be safe, maybe you should give the Mega Chains a pass and do some civilized shopping down at your local independent business. Sure you can get your Mass Market Generic Christmas gifts at Target Mart, But that is what everyone will be giving. Why not give that special someone a little something special. Why not a signed first edition of that author they like so much.
Enough of the preachin'. Have a good Holiday everyone. Eat to your heart's content or, failing that, eat until your pants are content. Or they burst. Your choice.
Oh! One last thing, don't forget the big Vince Flynn event at our Crystal City location. Tonight! Remember, if you aren't at this event, you are supporting terrorism. The government knows if you are there or not. If you don't want Blackwater coming to your house, I would get down there and buy a book. Buy two, just to be safe.
Editor's Notes: Just a quick note to say if you don't make it the the Vince Flynn event, Blackwater will NOT come to your house. There is no way that they could ever know that you were not buying a --Hold on. There is someone at the door. (Muffled slaps, grunts and cries) --Okay. Maybe they can. I am going to put some ice on this eye and I will see you ALL at the Flynn event on Tursday. ~Ouch~.
2 Comments:
i didn't make it!!! am i going to be ok???
For those of you who didn't make it to the Vince Flynn signing and are afraid of Blackwater coming to your homes. You are in trouble. Just move.
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