You know that old adage "No news is good news"?

I heard a thing through the grapevine that might contradict that a little. I heard that a person enjoyed a section of my blog last week. I didn't hear it direct from the person, so it could be an elaborate ruse to get me to write more about events and less about the types of sandwiches I am having for lunch. Time will just have to be the judge in this case, for now, I am going to run under the assumption that you all--funny how one person constitutes "you all"--enjoyed the section I wrote about how I chose to do an event surrounding Amy Bryant's first book, "Polly."

As a brief aside that will eventually turn into the whole story, our event with Amy (and Polly) went very well. I was not in attendance due to a very overbooked schedule. It was one of the first times that Amy had to get up in front of a group of strangers and talk about her own book. She was very brave and, bolstered by our own Markus Hanson, endured the heckling jibes and thrown bottles that her friends, family and fans threw her way. She, like Polly, is a very tough gir--woman and I hope her book goes on to great success. If no one minds I would like to say thanks to her. Thank you Amy for coming out and reading in our store and thank you for the signed book.

See guys? There are perks to this job. Even though they are sometimes hidden among 500 emails and 24 voice mails.

Anyone curious about why I was unable to make it to Amy's talk? No? Too bad because you are going to hear about it anyway. I will call this the "Bragging" portion of my blog and you will all be forced to read it because there will be pictures. You won't know what the pictures are for unless you read, so you will be forced to read the middle section just to understand the pictures. So, let the bragging begin. Okay, maybe not quite yet. Let me give you a little back story before I dive right in to the bragging. I could just say I met so-and-so and you might think to yourself, so what if he met so-and-so. I ran into Tim Russert at the mall the other day and he said "Excuse me". It is the same thing. It really isn't, so I will back up.

Tuesday night I got on the metro and rode out to Courthouse from my luxury apartment in Bethesda. (Event coordinators make SERIOUS cash. Feel free to pursue this line of work kids.) I got to Arlington around 6 and chatted with the staff until Ross King got in for his talk. We had a few minutes to spare, so Ross was kind enough to sign all the stock we had while we chatted about the book, living in London, pints, being sick, English cold medicine everything. We had, as the Brits might say, a proper chat. Once all the books were signed, Ross was introduced by Mr. Brian Heston (A very famous Olssonite) and proceeded to explain the history behind the art movement we all know as "Impressionism." Some of you may know that I went to art school for five years (six if you count that first stint in Seattle) and have a Bachelors in Fine Arts. I found his telling of this story more informative than any I had heard in all my years at University. Mr. King has certainly done his homework and allows you a very personal insight into the characters that make up this little history play. You begin to understand that these men and women were real people and not just names that you might see scrawled on the bottom of the print you have hanging over your chest of drawers in the bedroom.

Ross talked for almost a full hour and held the attention of all those present for the entire time. Excepting the little homeless man in the Canadian Tuxedo who came in, sat dead center in the front row and promptly fell asleep. I am not going to count him though because I doubt he cares that much about the history of art.

A truly engaging speaker, a very knowledgeable man and quite pleasant to boot. Another person that is taller than me. That counts just about everyone though.

So that was Tuesday. Wednesday was similar, but involved lunch. I and a few of my Olsson's coworkers got a chance to join Allan Folsom for lunch in the District. Allan (as you all remember from last week) has a new book out called "The Machiavelli Covenant." Allan used to work as a screenwriter in television for a number of years and all of his books read in a very cinematographic way. Each chapter will end with a camera cut and begin with a camera cut. He is very concerned about keeping the beat of the story and not getting bogged down with too many extraneous bits. Even though his stories can creep into the 800+ page level, the continual rhythm of the writing keeps you flipping pages until well into the night. His work is very well researched and will wrap you in layers of story and adventure until you choose to peek out your head to see if your alarm is about to go off.

He lives on the west coast and doesn't get out here much, so the chance to hang out with him and have lunch was very special. He then came out to Courthouse (again in Virginia) to chat with a group of hardcore fans who all brought their books from home for him to sign. I was surprised to see that each person in line had all four of his books in hardcover. I suppose when an author you enjoy comes to your town you should jump on board and bring everything you have to see if the bookstore people will let you get them signed. (Sometimes we don't. Sometimes we get to be mean and say "NO"! Man, I love that part.)

We caught Allan on the tail end of his tour as he was off to New York to meet up with his agent and publisher the next morning. He stuck around after and signed our entire stock. He has his own magic pens that he brings along. They were perfect for signing books. I guess Sue Grafton turned him on to them. Yes, Sue Grafton. Didn't you know, all writers know each other? They have a union just like the Screen Actor's Guild. they even have award shows, but because they are writers, it just comes out as another book. The latest one's isbn is 0517087251. Look it up.

When Thursday finally hit, I was so tired from working 12 hour days Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, I just had to go home and get some rest. I put in a mild 10 hours at my desk trying to catch up on some book ordering for the next weeks, answering the most urgent of the emails that came through and trying to remember what my gym looks like.

Speaking of the gym, I went on Saturday and did the same thing I would have normally done, a chest workout and a three mile run. When I woke up on Sunday I was way too sore all over and thought I needed to go again to work out some of the stiffness. Sunday was the back workout and another three miles and I did feel a bit better after I got done. By the time Monday hit, I was a very unhappy little camper. I must have done something very wrong because I have been walking around holding my heart in my chest since then. I like to tell people I am having a heart attack or maybe a stroke or a minor brain hemorrhage because it sounds nicer than, I overworked at the gym and am that out of shape. Here it is Thursday (it really is Thursday this time) and I spent most of dinner sitting on my left hand because moving that arm causes massive lightning bolts to shoot though the left side of my chest and out my back only to have them bounce back from the wall and bury themselves in the back of my neck. Lightning bolts can be very aggressive.

I have been in the office trying desperately to catch up on all the bits that have slipped through. Alicia has had to take over the offsite scheduling as I am spread too thin to cover at this point. I had another dinner last night with a debut author. His book will be along shortly and is called "My Mother the Cheerleader". His name is Robert Sharenow and as much as you would like to think this is a shallow book about a Texas Pageant Mother, it is about a little girl who comes to grips with who she is and how she is going to relate with her mother. It is set in 1960's New Orleans around the harsh time of integration in the public school system. Some of you may remember the Steinbeck book, "Travels with Charley" where he mentions the Cheerleaders as they stood outside the school every day and yelled not-so-nice things at a little girl who only wanted an education. This is a Young Adult title, but I think the issue is important for everyone to read up on. I believe it is out in April, so keep your eyes peeled.

I am certain that is it for me. I am off to bed so I can hit it hard again in the morning. There are some very good events coming up that I think you might like to come out for. Courthouse is hosting Neil deGrasse Tyson as he explains how we are all going to die from a black hole. You may have seen him on Colbert (could have been Jon Stewart) just the other night, he will be around to Courthouse (What IS it with that store?) to tell us all how to prep for the end of the world as we know it. REM will not be played.

A man named Ralph has promised to come in to our Lansburgh store to talk about his new book, "The Seventeen Traditions". Ralph Nader! If you are very good he might tell you stories about the Corvair, a cute little car that would kill all the people in and around it in a matter of seconds, just like the Ford Pinto. Check the calendar for dates and times you will not want to miss this!

Lastly, my personal favorite because I am a sensitive 33-year old male who listens to Tiny Dancer and cries a little, Amy Stewart (I am starting to think I have an affinity for Amys) will be joining us in Crystal City to talk about her new book "Flower Confidential." Ever wondered where those Asiatic Lilies you buy at the grocery store come from? She is going to tell us. There will be free flowers for everyone that buys a book and I have heard Amy talk before, she is a pistol. Skip what you are doing and come on down to sunny Crystal City. It never rains in Crystal City. What happens in Crystal, stays in Crystal. (Slogans are so hard to come up with).

Editor's Notes: Everyone is not taller than the blogger, just most people. I also deleted what was eaten at all the lunches and dinners that have been attended. I swear this guy has a thing for food. If Blogger-boy keels over from his pending heart attack, I will take over and write about events in his place, you might notice a slight difference in style. Corvairs will not kill you in seconds, they take weeks to kill you properly. You should all try to keep fresh cut flowers in your home. They just make the place nicer to be in and Tiny Dancer is a GREAT song! And last. No offence to Canadians at all. A Canadian Tux is when you wear a denim jacket and denim jeans at the same time. Do everyone a favor, look down at yourself before you leave the house, if your tops match your bottoms and you are NOT wearing a suit, over the age of 80 or under the age of 8, go back in and change. No exceptions!

Ah. There really is nothing like starting a blog the day after you finish the last one. Why, it seems like just yesterday that I was yelling at you all about not doing anything for Martin Luther King Day and telling you my ideas for a less expensive monument to put in the Tidal Basin. Wait. It was just yesterday and let me tell you why.

Our webmaster (Evan) is taking a bit of time off. I believe he is making his annual pilgrimage to California to pray before the shrine that is Silicon Valley. Nowhere specific in the valley, I think he just kneels on the ground somewhere outside Gilroy, points himself slightly North West (Toward San Francisco) and begins the meditation process. The meditation/prayer procedure can take as long as 6 days if you are using dial up, but if you have a T1 line it is over in a matter of minutes leaving you loads of time to enjoy the local Garlic Festival there in Gilroy or to travel north and take in some of the other local color. That’s Comcastic!

I wanted to thank you all for coming out to the Race Beat event out in Courthouse. It was good to see so many eager young faces smiling back at the authors and peppering them with questions. Thank you.

Speaking of events. I thought I might actually talk about one or two if you all didn’t mind. There are three events coming up in the next little while that I am very happy about and proud of. Not just because I booked them, although I did book them. I am excited about them because they are all close to my heart. You might catch a slight hint as to my personality by the type of events I get excited about. Here you thought you knew all about me because of the Smokey and the Bandit thing didn’t you? Well, I have sour news for you, Jack. I have a little bit more depth in my character. Not a lot more, just a little.

Here are the events I am so fired up about in no particular order:

Number One. Ross King, “Judgment of Paris”. You may or may not know that my degree is in Fine Arts. Mostly in sculpture, but I have been know to paint on occasion as well. Ross’ newest book deals with the Paris exhibition that caused a bit of ruckus and ultimately gave birth to what we all call Impressionism. He is speaking in out Courthouse store and I am crazy excited to meet him. If I could dig up my battered hard back of The Pope’s Ceiling I would drag it along with me and have him sign it. This may or may not be an option due to three moves since I bought it. Somethings just get lost. Like the point does every time I start writing.

Number Two. Alan Folsom "The Machiavelli Covenant". I am stupid excited about Alan Folsom coming to visit as well. Not in a star struck "Oh my God, Alan Folsom! You, like, totally rock. All those books with all those words in them, man. How do you type all those words. I can only type, like, 200,000 before my fingers get tired. . . Alan Folsom."

I swear I will not be that bad, but I do like the man and I have read a few of his books. To take a smallish quote from Joe Murphy-God bless his little Hollywood soul- You don't get to be a head buyer without reading a lot of books. I do read a lot. I have read a lot that is. Sometimes I forget more books then I remember. I do remember a few things though. I remember that Tor/Forge books were some of the first books I ever checked out of the library. Alan Folsom is actually going to hang out with us booksellers before the event. Good times!

Number Three. Amy Bryant "Polly". I got this book as a galley and due to its small stature, I thought I could zip through it on my lunch breaks. I fell in love with this book while sitting on a park bench eating soup. "Polly" is the tale of a young girl growing up in Reston, VA in the eighties. She listened to the same bands I did, she dressed like me, (not the skirts, but the t-shirts) she could have been one of a dozen girls I hung out with growing up. To read a girl's account of how things were back then changes my whole perspective on the time. It is a beautiful little story with a tough-chick character that I am looking forward to hanging out with. I know she is fictional but she can live in my head every time I read the book. Plus, I get to meet the author and so can you. Come out to Courthouse this week. Courthouse Metro Station, we are right there.

Come down, meet me, meet Amy and meet Polly. If you are lucky you can meet Amanda who has nothing to do with this story but she can speak three languages and has been know to wear a bell on her shoe. Courthouse! It's What's for Dinner! Courthouse! The other Virginia store! Courthouse! Where books are for. . .sale? I kind of lost it there at the end.

You wouldn't think so, but January is very busy in the life of an Event coordinator. While most of the world is goofing off, hanging out, eating sandwiches and whatnot, I have been chained to my desk answering more emails, phone calls and general queries since I came back to work. I am still not feeling 100%, but I can't convince the people in the wider world to not call me. Not that I want them (or you if you are someone cool and interesting that I want to talk to) to not call me or to stop calling me but I would enjoy a small break.

This week is a short week for most people in the DC area, not for the hardworking folks here at Olsson's. Sure, we could have taken a day to sleep in, go to brunch, watch a couple bad movies on cable. We could have done any and all of that but we didn't. Instead, we were hard at work in the stores providing books and music to the good people out there that were fortunate enough to have the day off. Am I making some of us out to be martyrs? Maybe a little. Am I trying to make those of you who had the day off and didn't use it for something other than absorbing more drivel and popular culture to numb your minds feel guilty? You betcha! For those of you that took Monday off and did nothing more than sleep in, not shave and watch re-runs of Judge Judy. Shame on you. You should get out this Thursday to the Courthouse store and take in a little talk with the Authors of "Race Beat".

Having been born in the '70's in a 'massive' town in southern Idaho, we never had to deal with any black/white confrontations. We didn't have black people in our town. Maybe that is an exaggeration, we had a small scattering of black people. Not for any reason I could think about other than they were too smart to move there. Every time I mention I grew up there to someone they will say something to the effect of "Oh, how beautiful." These people have never visited Idaho and probably think the people there still battle Indians and live among the bison (Some call them buffalo). Well, they're right. We still live among the bison and we still fight Indians. In fact Idaho is so rural that I recall a time in the late 80's when one local town received phone service for the first time. So rural, I remember going pheasant hunting in a huge field with "Big Jim" one time. The field was 75 yards from my house and he was out blasting away with a shotgun at birds that took flight out of the grain. You had to be outside the city limits to blast away with guns, but the "city limits" were on the other side of his back yard fence.

So I can't blame anyone for not living there. Still, it was a non-issue as far as I was concerned. I still can't get my head around not liking someone based on the color of their skin. It does my head in just to read passages out of this book.

"The Race Beat" is the story of the struggle for racial equality as told through the stories of the brave newspaper reporters who covered the tragic events. The sentiment in it is just as real today as it was back then, if you squandered your MLK day on the sofa, you owe it to yourself to catch the talk in Courthouse. You owe it to The Dream.

Speaking of The Dream. I was reading in the Post on Monday about the MLK memorial they are trying to put in by the Tidal Basin. The article says,

"The Interior Department, which oversees the Mall, must be satisfied that the project has $100 million in cash before bulldozers can break ground."

WHAT!? Walt Disney didn't spend $100 million on BOTH theme parks. For $100 million, I could buy a killer whale to live in the tidal basin and cavort for passing tourists. Why in the world do they have to have that much in cash before they can dig a hole in the Mall? Are the Interior Department looking to cover the cost of removal if they don't like the way it looks? If you have ever wondered why nothing can get done in DC it is because the road to completion is as circuitous as the street system. $100 million? What if I had two dolphin with MLK's face tattooed on their sides cavorting in the pond?

That has to be it for me. My brain is reeling from the numbers. One last note. Michael J. Fox has raised $57 Million for Parkinson's research just to put it in perspective. Not that one project is any more important than the other, I just wanted you to think about it.

Editors Note: I think Blogger Boy is a little bitter about having to work on Monday. Leave him alone and he will calm down. Eventually.

Judge Judy may not even be on television anymore.

The massive town had maybe 40 thousand people when he was a kid. Now over 50!

"Big Jim" was not that big, he was the senior in a Junior/Senior family thing and on that hunting walk through the grain field, no birds were harmed.

Tattooed dolphin in the Tidal Basin would totally rock!

And last. There may have been more than six to eight black people in Idaho and the people there do not still battle the Natives. Unless you include Reservation Casino laws.

I am home from work today. I have been felled by some sort of malady that has left me feeling like some nice man took a hammer to all my joints then an ice pick to my kidneys. While I was on the ground writhing in pain another nice man, who had to weigh around three hundred pounds, jumped on my stomach with both feet. You would think that possessing the power of Thor, I would be able to dodge a passing microbe every now and then. Maybe the microbe in question is made out of Mistletoe. I am pretty sure the only thing Thor isn't immune to is Mistletoe. If I remember from my Norse Mythology, Thor was eventually killed by an arrow made of Mistletoe.

Wait. Maybe that was Balder who was shot with the Mistletoe arrow. Now that I think about it, I am pretty sure that it was Balder the Brave who had the whole aversion to twigs.

Think about that for a second, if that story is true--or based on truth, as Vikings saw it--then twigs of mistletoe are far more dangerous than we thought. Up until now, I am sure you thought the worst that could happen from sprigs of it was trying to look Jane from accounting in the eye after the company Christmas party. Or, maybe you have left it up in your house until March then had to climb up on the arm of a chair to take it down and a dried up, dusty leaf-bit falls into your eye. That could be another way Mistletoe could come back to haunt you.

Wow, where was I going there?

Right, home sick for the first time this year. You know, being a grown up and calling in sick is not like it was when we were kids. When I was younger and I was too sick to go to school, I would lie on the sofa wrapped up in a blanket, drink juice, eat toast, and watch Smokey and the Bandit on TBS. I don't know why that movie was on television every time I was sick, but it seemed to be. I think Ted Turner loves that movie just as much as I do. Say what you will about Ted, he may not have been that nice to his ex-wife and sure, he did try to color all the black and white movies ever made but he gave me the best thing a sick boy could have. He gave me uncle Burt.

Some of you might not understand what that movie does to my inner redneck. That first time you hear the 6.6 liter roar as Bandit slides around a curve with an 18 wheeled, tractor trailer swerving in behind him. Classic. The sound that engine makes, strikes a chord somewhere deep in the soul and sets your whole body vibrating. The hair on your neck stands up, chills roll down your spine, and your whole body thrums to the exact frequency as that massive black beast. I don't think you can call yourself a redneck if you don't love that film. -- Sniff. I just need a moment. . .

So I am home sick, wrapped in a blanket, eating toast and drinking juice and the whole thing feels cheapened somehow due to the complete lack of Burt. The best thing I can find on the telly is Hostage, starring Bruce Willis. I like Bruce, I imagine he is a nice person to hang out with given that he will burst into song if the band is jumping. I am one of the 30 people that bought his CD (The Return of Bruno. Who knew he had left?) when it came out and I still enjoy listening to his version of Secret Agent Man. The film is good, but it is no Smokey and the Bandit.

Okay. On to real things. January kicks off with a serious bang. The entire Metropolitan area is going to be saturated with events that revolve around the stories, plays, life and whatnot of one William Shakespeare. What? You didn't know? You never heard of it? Neither had I until I sat in on a couple of meetings last week. If you feel mildly left out of the whole thing, fear not, it runs from now until JUNE! I think you will have plenty of time to take in some of the highest lowbrow theatre ever written. If you are all really good, I will root around and post up my pics of Southwark (Pronounced "suth-erk") Cathedral. Why? Because that is where he is buried. His tomb is quite cool with a lovely stained glass window, alabaster tomb cap, loads of Americans standing around, all the good stuff. Feel free to go out and take in some of the festivities, but don't do too much right off the bat or you will get very angry come May when it is shoved in your face at every turn. Small bites. That is all I am saying. Small bites.

Finally, some Olsson's event news (I got to it eventually) coming up in the next weeks. I know you are all excited about Ivor Hanson at Dupont. You all have the punk spirit that I do and nothing is going to cement that in your mind more than Ivor's book. Trust me.

The real place to be in the next couple weeks is going to be Virginia. Not that I have shunned the District stores (nor should you), there are just more things happening in VA. You like Sci-fi? You like space ships? You like David Weber? We have him! Crystal City baby!

Maybe you are more into contemporary history? Pop out to Courthouse and see The Race Beat. Like your History a bit older? Take in Ross King as he talks about his new book Judgment of Paris or join ME--yes me--and Alan Folsom as he talks about his new book, The Machiavelli Covenant. Whew! Good times!

As a final parting shot, I would like to say that I have been very good since my New Years 'overindulgence'. I am glad for all the cards and letters that no one sent me wishing me to feel better. Thank you all for your silence and continued support. I am sticking with the old adage of no news being good news, so until I hear you telling me to shut up I will keep right on ranting.

If anyone needs me, I will be sleeping on the floor in my bathroom because the tile floor feels so cool on my face. I assume I will recover and be back next week with something else you all can't wait to read.

Hellooo!

Remember how I said last week that I was going to run a 5k on New Years? Guess what my time was? 0 minutes and 0 seconds! Okay! I didn't go. I planned on going. I wanted to go, but then I did a bit of math and decided that driving the hour from my place to GMU, running for 35 minutes and then driving back for an hour to my house was more of a time commitment then I was willing to expend. So instead, I put on my headphones, jumped on the treadmill and ran for 35 minutes. Then I stayed in on New Years Eve and had a fun time playing Clue and drinking assorted beverages. Just for fun, I stood out on the balcony and yelled at the passing drivers that they better not be driving drunk. This is did in honour of all those mothers that are against drunk drivers. It was the best I could think of at the time. I wasn't part of the solution, but I also wasn't part of the problem.

So that was my New Year's Eve. My New Year's Day was passed in my jammies with a "headache". I did get the house cleaned up (I even hoovered under the bed) and I made it through the last (I think) of the author request catalogs. -- I know, for a fact, that as soon as this is posted I will get another box of them in the post.

Here I am in my office chair, eating a tuna sandwich and listening to my new Tom Waits trying to figure out what sort of thing to tell you about this week. It is a particularly good tuna sandwich and I am enjoying it very much. I think I am enjoying it because it is tempering the caffeine buzz I had going on. I hit the coffee a little too hard this morning. Whew! Thought my head was going to pop for a bit.

Right. Event news. I told you all last week about the two big events on the 10th of January correct? I still haven't decided which event attend. My sister has started attending Kimberly's yoga class at the Bethesda Studio and is enjoying it very much. She (my sister, not Kimberly) has this idea that she is going to change her attitude this year. We are all very supportive of her and maybe more supportive of her husband who has been charged with assisting in this change. I was told that you get a spritz of lavender something-something as you lie prone in relaxation pose at the studio. That would be it for me. I love that stuff. If anyone is looking to change their attitude (like my sister) and can't seem to make it out to a studio, or if you are just a little unsure of how you look in yoga pants bent over in front of people, you could pop into the store and pick up one of the books and give it all a shot in your living room.

If you are like me and yoga maybe isn't your perfect cup of tea. You should make your way the other event and figure out a way to change your attitude with something that doesn't involve bending a flexing. Try the 'Take a Nap' speaking engagement. Sara Mednick is going to teach us all how we can overcome that slump we all feel in the afternoon when our two martinis we had for lunch catch up to us and the inbox is threatening to quit from the weight of papers stuffed in it. Perhaps you should take a chance on the big Wheel o' Naps and see if a little shut eye from 1 to 2 in the afternoon will raise your creativity and alertness enough to help you with that last minute proposal you were supposed to finish up last night. You know the one. The one you pushed to the back of the desk so you could join the rest of the office staff at Union Jacks for 2 dollar English Ales. 32 dollars and one burst bladder later, it is morning again and your proposal is still sitting on the desk untouched.

Okay, that last one ran a little too close to the truth for comfort.

Ultimately, I wanted to remind you all about the two events going on this week. Next week we have a slew of things going on that you can all get interested in. If I tell you about them now, I will have nothing to talk about then, so you will all have to wait a bit to see what they are. That is, unless you are very crafty and know how to look things up on the website. Or you could check in at your local store to see what is going on this week and next. You should all go out and visit the staff at the stores. We don't allow them to go home. They all live at the store. They sleep on the floor. Some people think that we use automatons, but we have actually imported the majority of our staff from Montana. They are used to sleeping on cold hard floors and fighting off rabid bison. That is why they are so good at what they do.

Until next week, I will be here at my desk wishing for the cafe next door to come up with a different soup.