Jamestown was established about 400 years ago. The folks in Virginia just had a lovely party for the occasion and invited Queen Elizabeth. One of the key characters from the Jamestown story was captain John Smith, he was the guy who hooked up with Pocahontas and eventually got asked to never come back to Virginia. He never did, but he did convince some financial backers that there was gold in New England and that he could bring it out of the new world for them.

We know there isn't any gold in New England, (unless you count some of the current residents' bathroom fixtures) but there was one thing in the New World that was worth more than gold. Whales. Massive, 65 foot long whales that just swam near the surface and ate little copopods. They posed a huge threat to the copopods, so brave men took to wooden boats armed with ropes and sharp sticks to liberate the tiny organisms. Once the first massive beast was dispatched the brave men in boats discovered all these cool things that could be done with the leftover bits.

Fences could be made out of the huge rib bones. The crazy oil that came out of the head burned long and clean. The meat was tasty and the skin made good leather when it was tanned. The 14 foot long strips of baleen could be made into great corsets and hoop skirts. Even the digestive tract came in handy, a chemical in the intestines made a great red dye. Nothing was wasted.

The big fishy things were so useful and so plentiful that an entire industry sprung up around rescuing the copopods. In time, the worlds lamps were being fueled by American Whale Oil. The finest Parisian clothiers bought whale bone from American retailers for skirts and corsets. America was a 17th century superpower. There is more to this tale, more steps, more stories, more letters to home from young men trying to make their fortune by working on a whale boat and eventually, a huge work of literature will be born from the industry of whaling.

I can't say I know all the stories, but I know a man who does. That man is Eric Jay Dolin and he will be giving a slide assisted presentation at out Alexandria store on July 19th at 7pm. Eric wrote a great book that I am reading called "Leviathan" and if my clumsy telling has interested you at all please swing by and hear Eric tell us how it really went. It looks to be a good night for anyone interested in the history of America and its exploits. July 19th, 7 pm be there or be the poor sap who has to tell his grand kids that he doesn't know why they don't have whales anymore. Get the full scoop, only in Old Town!

On a more personal note, I have come up with a couple of names for my internet police force. I like Click-a-cop or maybe something a little Copazom.com. I am leaning toward Copazom.com, but I have to check the lawsuit status of it.

Countdown to Chuck Begins! It is only 12 days away! Best stock up on my hair metal trivia.

(If you missed it last week. Chuck Klosterman at The Wonderland Ballroom July 10, 7pm. The entire backlist will be available at the event along with the newest book in Paperback "Klosterman IV". All Signatures will be $15 at the event, the books will be free. (Maybe I have that backwards.)

I did it! I invented the greatest thing the world has ever seen or heard of! No, not Inward-singing. That was invented long ago by a man much smarter than I am. Curious? Okay, here it is.

I am going to start a private emergency services program that is all--wait for it--Internet Based! See? Genius! But, how will it work you ask? Simple. When you have an emergency, you will simply log on to the website and fill out a basic form. This form will be emailed off to my tech support team in an undisclosed foreign country who will read the report and call the correct emergency service for you. That way, you won't have any pesky Nine-one-one operators asking you silly questions and confusing you. Our service professionals will field all questions and make certain that you get the proper attention you deserve. A simple click of the mouse, and authorities arrive at your door in mere moments.

We would, of course make certain that the people coming to your door meet only the highest standards of quality and would ask the local authorities to be sure their representatives are up to our levels. If they refuse to conform to our standards, we would have to withhold referrals to them. This may cause a minor inconvenience to you the consumer, but we only have your best interests in mind. We would hate for an individual to come to your emergency and not be courteous, friendly, in perfect shape and pleasing to the eye. We want to make certain that your emergency services experience is absolutely perfect and if that means not allowing you access to these services, then so be it.

So that is my plan. When you see it happening in your home town, remember that it was my idea first. Anyone who attempts this idea without my consent will owe me millions of dollars. Millions.

Anything happening in eventland? Oh, just a tiny thing I like to call, "Klosterman IV at Lansburgh on Monday, July 9th"! That name might be a little long. Maybe I can make it an acronym. K4@L.J9? That almost works.
For those of you who don't know, Chuck Klosterman is the greatest cultural observer of our generation. He has worked for Spin Magazine as their music writer, written four books and he grew up outside of Fargo ND. What is there to NOT like about him?

I read "Fargo Rock City" shortly after I got back from London at the behest of a friend at Waterstone's. I was sucked right in to his world of small town antics and his desire to do something more than play basketball, drink light beer and listen to Twisted Sister. Something like, play basketball, drink dark beer and listen to twisted sister in New York all the while maintaining some resemblance to having a respectable job and being a "grown up".

I have bought every book he has written and am SO excited to be able to host him in not one, but two separate events in DC. That's right Chuck is so popular he had to do a second show. On Monday, July 9th he will be at out Penn Quarter store starting at 7pm. He will talk about whatever he likes and then take some questions from the audience. If we are lucky, he will sign our books at the end. After the event, he and I are going out drinking until dawn Woo-Hoo!

The second night will be Tuesday, July 10th but not at the store. Starting at 7 again, Chuck will be reading at the Wonderland Ballroom in Columbia Heights. Same format as the night before, but this time there will be drinks involved. If you are hungry, the Wonder' serves good bar grub to go along with the vast assortment of drinks on the menu. I will have books available for everyone to buy (and you better buy the books otherwise I won't be able to bring him again) and I am certain the topics of conversation will vary from the ones that can be covered in a bookstore environment.

In summary, Internet Police Force is my idea. It may cause problems with local cops due to job loss and lower pay but they won't mind because they will be getting everything cheaper in the end.

Chuck Klosterman, pop culture genius of our generation will be in Lansburgh on July 9th and at the Wonderland Ballroom on July 10th. I hope to see you all at one of the events and you better buy books.

Talk to you all next week.

Summer has come to DC. You can tell it is summer because we all have to wade through glue-ish humidity in the mornings to get to work, then when the afternoon thundershowers hit, we have to sprint through driving rain on the way home. I will not even start on the number of bug bites I have around my ankles and elbows. I am sure to have West Nile by the end of the season. Maybe just Malaria.

Summer isn't all bad. Summer brings out a few things that make living in the District very cool. Summer concert series start poping up all over the place, and outdoor cinema is everywhere you look.

Two of those things are going on as we speak. Olsson's is hosting a mini concert tour in each of our stores. Gypsy Eyes is a local record label with some very cool acts. I got a chance to see one of them last night. Brandon Butler, a singer songwriter of the old school Dylan set played the harp in a rack while strumming away on his acoustic. A dusty, booted foot tapping away on stage kept time. He did a short set for us before we screened the Ian McEwan Film at the Warehouse Theatre. If you missed it, check out the review in the Post and get on our website so you don't miss future events. Right. Gypsy Eyes will be in Courthouse on the 21st and in Crystal City on the 28th. Check them out, I promise you won't be disappointed.

What was the other thing? Oh yeah, outdoor film fests? There is already one of those going on in Crystal City. Crystal Screen started on June 4th and continues for 12 weeks with a manly array of Clint Eastwood classics. On July 2nd they are showing my personal fave "The Outlaw Josie Wales" and I will be there with my T-shirt on. (Yes, I have a Josie Wales T-shirt) Watching Eastwood westerns when you are young will teach you everything you need to know about being a man:

1. Be quiet, unless you have something to say.
2. Do what you know is right no matter who else thinks it is wrong.
3. Obey all the rules until you can't.
4. Don't look for trouble, but be ready for it if it finds you.

Check out the listings here: Crystal Screen Summer Film Series

Summer means one more thing to me and then I will get to work. Summer means flip-flops. I have been wearing flip-flops to work now for a month and my quality of life is much improved. You know who else likes flip-flops? Claire Cooke. Claire has a new book out called Life's a Beach and she is one woman that I know loves 'flops. I know this because she is going to be in the Courthouse store on June 25th reading from her new book and I bet you a dollar she has 'flops on.

You might remember Clair's from her earlier book "Must Love Dogs" that was made into a great film staring Diane Lane. Claire is coming to town and if you liked the first book, if you like summer and you like flip-flops and the beach, you should be there to hear what she has to say. 7pm in the Courthouse store. We are on the Orange line right by the metro station. Come on down and and see us.

Wow.

We all just got from BEA where we had a lovely time. Alexis was tailed by a reporter from the Washington Post all weekend. We made the front page of the style section, thanks Bob! Our buyers all scattered to the winds and found loads of titles we could carry and I spent my energy schmoozing with all the publicists. It was a good chance to put faces with email addresses and phone voices. --If any of you are reading this, thanks again for hanging out with us.

Just a couple of BEA highlights, then I will tell you what has been going on around the store.

Three of us braved exhaustion and the scary side of Brooklyn to hear Wells Crandall spin at a cool little bar in Williamsburg. Who would have thought that the Event Coordinator for Simon and Schuster would be my age and a part-time DJ? Kind of makes me feel like a schlub, not having accomplished near as much. Wells is my new best friend in Brooklyn, we hung out on two other occasions over the weekend, a wacky dance party with a tall tattooed blond woman, and at a low key dinner with a few 10% beers. They go right to your head. Other notables at this dance party include Vanessa from W.W. Norton (you might remember her as the publicist for Irvine Welsh). She is a fiery little bundle of publicity in Chanel shoes and a good spinning dress. What a catch, she is my new best friend in Harlem and not because I don't know the Clintons.

So that was one thing we did. Another good party was set on the roof of Rockefeller Center overlooking Saint Patrick's. What a view! Somehow I got tipped off to some tickets while at the party. Not just any tickets, tickets to see the Rockbottom Remainders! A quick cab ride away with a handful of people from Workman Press and I was a few yards from Stephen King as he belted out 'Werewolves of London'! For a rock band, those guys are all really good writers. No, they rocked! Anthony Horwitz wailed out a kick butt version of Stepping Stone and everyone went nuts for the finale. Oh you know the song, you know the words, sing it with me. . . "Wild Thing! You make my heart sing. You make everything, Groovy. C'mon, wild thing. . ."

The last thing I had a blast doing was not a party. After lunch with Jay from Yale Press and his sister in law Min Jin Lee, Min and I went to the Cupcake Cafe just off 9Th street and had coffee, cupcakes and a nice long chat. Min wrote a book called Free Food for Millionaires and is the sweetest author I have ever met. I am looking forward to chatting with her more. I hope she doesn't get to be like all those other beautiful, famous authors that you aren't supposed to look in the eye. Good thing I am getting in on the ground floor.

BEA had to end and we all had to come back. First thing on my list upon getting back was John Lithgow at Crystal City. What a great time! Mr. Lithgow (that looks so odd to me) read and sang to a crowd of 65 little kids and the same number of Mommies and Daddies, along with 30 or 40 grown up fans. The store was packed out! We sold tons of books and I learned a great new song. "Oh, there's nothing I'd trade for my Fanny and Blue!" That might only make sense if you were there singing along. If you missed it I am sorry. You really need to watch that event calendar. I book good stuff.

Last night was Sherman Alexie at the Warehouse Theater on 7Th street. Another full house packed in to hear Sherman tell stories of haunted hotels, traveling in hurricane weather and the Bill Clinton Story. He is a very charming man and if you came out last night, thank you. If you came out last night and your name was Dani who went to Pokey High and Gonzaga, thanks again. Us Potato folks have to stick together. Maybe we could do an Idaho Ex-pat Party one night at a local bar.

Okay, everyone. I am getting pressured to be done. I am the last one to write this week so I will sign off.

Until next week.