Last night I had the opportunity to ride the Metro. I enjoy the concept of a metro/subway system but the one we have here in DC drives me nuts sometimes. After living in London and using their system as my sole mode of transportation, I think I was spoiled by a great system. I might like our (DC's) Metro Rail if it wasn't so ugly. The plain concrete walls, the dim lighting, the turbo-slow escalators, I can deal with most of those things easy enough. There is one thing that I struggle to understand. I was standing on the platform tonight waiting for the train when I heard the new announcement.

"Hi. Welcome to Metro. We have a lot of escalators in our system. You'll notice that most people stand on the right side. And while you're riding, hold the handrail for your safety. Enjoy your trip, and thank you for riding Metro."

Now, if you have been in the London Underground, they say the exact same thing. But they say, "Please stand to the right when using the escalator so that others may walk past you on the left." Over and over while you walk/ride up the escalators.

I know this has been covered by a few thousand bloggers back when Metro made this announcement in August, but this is the first time I have heard it. Crazy. Why can't we just say, "Stand to the right"? Why do we have to use forty two words when five would work? What happened to brevity? I thought that was the key to effective communication. --I know, look who's talking. I prattle on for a thousand words and don't say anything.

The real reason I started talking about the Metro, I was outside waiting for the train and started thinking about how cold it was. I was only wearing a light jacket and the wind was pretty brisk at times.

Welcome back! I trust everyone had a good Thanksgiving? Ate way too much? Fought the crazies at the shopping centers? Good for you.

I boycotted thanks giving this year. So much so, that I have relegated it to small caps and two words. I am not certain why I boycotted this year. It could be my deep seated dislike of the Turkey (Outlined in last years Thanksgiving post. Feel free to check it out.) It could be that I don’t like the way most turkeys are raised and I am trying not to support the industry. It could be that I am just anti-American in all things and I refuse to play your reindeer games. Or, it could just be that I am trying not to eat a ton of food that I don’t love.

Don’t get me wrong; I really like mashed potatoes, and sweet potatoes and the occasional vegetable. I have been known to eat stuffing sandwiches with cranberries on fresh rolls. (Carb City!) This year I just wasn’t feeling it. So I scrapped the whole thing. No football. No Turkey. No pilgrim hats, no buckle shoes, no room at the Holiday Inn, oh no! And it’s beginning to snow.

Sorry, I lapsed into Rent there for a second.

I know you should be thinking of your Thanksgiving message now and I gave you the whole message last week. That just goes to show you how far ahead I am in this blogging thing. Unlike some of the bloggers I know, that dash their work out the morning it is due. Not mentioning any names.

Back to the situation at hand: I am counting the Thanksgiving holiday over at this point. You should all be getting geared up for the big, gift-giving extravaganza that is coming up right around the corner. I am talking about Christmas. I am talking about Chanukah. I am talking about Festivus. I am talking about... anything else I might have forgotten in there. Last weekend, I know you all jumped in and played along with “Unchain America” and I know you are all loyal supporters of all things independent.

I thought I might toss about a few ideas for gifts that go hand in hand with events. I will keep it short because I am well-aware that I used up all my space with Thanksgiving talk.

On November 27th we are supplying the books for the Smithsonian Associates as they host Steve Martin for his new biography Born Standing Up. I know some of you might have tickets to this event at Lisner Auditorium, but if you do not, I might - MIGHT, I Said! — be able to get a few signed copies for the store. No promises, but I will do what I can for the Steve Martin fan in your life. Is Amazon helping you out like this? Are they promising to get you a signed Steve Martin book for the funny man in your life? I didn't think so.

Let’s see, what else is coming up? Is anyone a fan of Burlesque? I KNOW! WHO ISN'T? There is a great book out right now from a local author. I spoke about the launch a couple weeks ago, Kelly DiNardo’s biography of Lili St. Cere, Gilded Lili. I have a copy on my desk at the office and I keep flipping through and I have another event coming up with Kelly on the 29th of November. The event is being held at Urbana inside the Hotel Palomar in the Dupont Circle area of DC. The proceeds will go toward World Aids day along with a couple of other places. Olsson's will be there selling books and donating a portion of the book sales to the cause. If you come down, you can get signed copies of Kelly's book for the burlesque fan in your life.

Well, that takes us to the end of November. There are more things coming down the pipe. We here in Event-land rarely sleep and only eat if we have good company to do it with. As long as you keep coming out to our events (and buying books) I will keep putting them together and sometimes hosting. Take care everyone! See you next week.

Hey Everyone!

Because of the Holiday next week, we are event free. I didn't want anything getting in the way of you and your plans to eat 15 pounds of Turkey. I am still off the bird, but I would never say or do anything to impede your happiness. If you are roasting and eating on Thursday, more power to you. I wont even harp on you about how your bird was raised and all that. It is a holiday, go forth and give thanks!

Once you have overdosed on Cranberries and Sweet Potatoes, watched a day of football and then put up the Christmas lights, you might want to go out and do a little shopping. "Black-Friday" shopping is like going on a hunting trip, in my head.

Think about it. You put out all your gear the night before and set your alarm for the wee hours of the morning. Then you lie awake all that night thinking of the routes you are going to take and what you are going to do when you encounter the beast you are stalking. Knowing your quarry is hugely important, and if you are smart, you have been to the hunting grounds a day or two before to make sure the items you want are there and you know their exact location.

In the misty pre-dawn, you get out of bed well before your alarm and prepare for your hunt. You pack yourself a early morning snack. Something small, but packed full of calories to give you an energy boost, Trail mix or a power bar of some sort. A thermos full of coffee will give you a jolt AND put you ahead of those saps that plan on stopping at Starbys. If you are one of those cruel parents, the children are then roused from slumber and stuffed into car seats still clutching pillows and blankets.

Shopping, like hunting, is best done in packs. You may think a single shopper, like a cheetah, can sprint to the goal and succeed but a lone shopper can be taken over by larger more aggressive groups of shoppers that sense the loner's weakness. Say you are out there on your own and happen to make it through the snarling packs of Holiday shoppers and lay your hands on a "Tickle Me Elmo" or whatever, chances are it will be yanked from your hands while you are thinking if your niece really needs another toy to annoy her parents. You might try to get your "Elmo" back, but you will be surrounded by pack hunters who, like hyena will nip at your heels and torment you until you give up your prize, defeated. Like the Cheetah, you will have spent too much energy chasing your prey and it is smarter for you to beg off this fight and live to hunt another day.

Once you have rendezvoused with the rest of your pack you can compare notes on the layout of the store and what each of you is after. If your pack is large enough, you may be able to storm the gates of Wall-Mart like the Germans did Poland. A little blitzkrieg at your local WallyWorld. Be careful though, I hear they sell guns at some of those stores and that old guy at the door? The greeter guy who offers you a cart? He is a trained special forces member. The old guy thing is a disguise. To be safe, maybe you should give the Mega Chains a pass and do some civilized shopping down at your local independent business. Sure you can get your Mass Market Generic Christmas gifts at Target Mart, But that is what everyone will be giving. Why not give that special someone a little something special. Why not a signed first edition of that author they like so much.

Enough of the preachin'. Have a good Holiday everyone. Eat to your heart's content or, failing that, eat until your pants are content. Or they burst. Your choice.

Oh! One last thing, don't forget the big Vince Flynn event at our Crystal City location. Tonight! Remember, if you aren't at this event, you are supporting terrorism. The government knows if you are there or not. If you don't want Blackwater coming to your house, I would get down there and buy a book. Buy two, just to be safe.

Editor's Notes: Just a quick note to say if you don't make it the the Vince Flynn event, Blackwater will NOT come to your house. There is no way that they could ever know that you were not buying a --Hold on. There is someone at the door. (Muffled slaps, grunts and cries) --Okay. Maybe they can. I am going to put some ice on this eye and I will see you ALL at the Flynn event on Tursday. ~Ouch~.

As you all know, I drive to work. I drive to work everyday. I am one of the bad people who consumes fossil fuel and drives to work. Granted I drive a Nissan Versa (The Cure for Auto-Claustrophobia) that gets 30 miles to the gallon, but I still drive. I have discovered a new route to work that shaves time off my commute and is a much more attractive drive to boot. The only drawback of this route is that it leads through a school zone. I am not a parent, but I have compassion and I do wave at the crossing guards. I also think that the kids at that school shouldn't have to beg people to drive like humans.

Backing up: When I was younger, I drove like a madman. I was always one speeding ticket away from losing my driver's license and used to spend my free time racing about town. I have been pulled over going 150 miles an hour through town in my father's 1970 Chevy pickup--I was let go and told to go home because the cop who was chasing me couldn't keep up with me. (Don't tell my dad, we sneaked it out that night.) He only caught me when I turned around and headed back the other direction. See, my father is a mechanic and used to be a drag racer. In his spare time he builds cars that have the ability to go stupid-fast. It is a hobby of his. My first car wasn't very quick, but would fly down the freeway thanks to the magic, under-hood tinkering that my father and I did. Having a stupid-fast car as a young driver is not the best idea and I am surprised I am still alive after some of the things I did then.

That brings me to my newest and greatest idea: This takes a minute of set up, so bear with me. Most cars now have computer controlled ignition systems that control how much fuel to dump into each cylinder at what time. Some cars even have limiters that shut the fuel off when the car is going over X miles an hour or when you crash, to keep you from killing yourself or the car from exploding from leaking fuel. So the systems are already in place. This wouldn't be that hard to change over.

And now the reveal: If the state would install a transmitter at the top of every speed limit sign that limited the flow of fuel to your engine and kept your speed at a constant whatever the speed limit was. If you were pootleing along at 35 miles an hour and your car slowed to 25, you might be able to surmise that you have entered a school zone. At 25, you can stop before squishing a pedestrian where as at 35 miles an hour, Peds get good and busted. Speeding tickets would be a thing of the past, because you wouldn't be able to speed. Cops could fight serious crimes instead of sitting in their cars making sure that 55 means 55. That jerk in the BMW that blows by you on the East/West highway going 50 in a 35? A thing of the past.

I have talked to people that think this is a ridiculous form of Big Brotherism and they are probably right. Is this something that is going to work in the wilds of Virginia where pavement is a luxury and speed limit signs are unheard of? Probably not. But I think it could be used in certain areas (namely school zones) to prevent the squishing of little kids. The school zone that I drive through is plastered with signs, made by the kids, asking drivers to NOT run them over. Call me crazy, but I don't think we should have children asking this of drivers.

So that is my plan. I have no idea of how to make is work or even how to begin. I would imagine I need to call someone at Honda or Toyota to get the ball rolling and then the other car makers would rush to catch up. I am curious to hear anyone else's ideas on this. If you wish to comment, please do!

Right, events. One jumps out at me as a biggie you might want to check out. Crystal City is playing host to Vince Flynn on Thursday the 15th at 7pm. Vince writes those great books starring Mitch Rapp. Mitch is the type of guy you don't want living in your neighborhood, but you want him defending your freedom. He is emotionally messed up -- especially after Vince killed his wife -- and angry at terrorists. He has some questionable tactics that might be construed as torture (read any one of the books) but he seems to only bother bad people. He is also a fictional character and the terrorists he blows up are all fictional as well, nothing to get too worked up over.

I have been reading Vince Flynn's books as long as he has been writing them. I heard him on a radio interview last year and he sounded like a very personable guy. He is funny too and did a very good Bill Clinton impression when I heard him. When I noticed he was touring with this book, I asked for him right away and started offering bribes to his tour coordinator. The end result is this, Vince Flynn will be at our Crystal City store on the 15th of November. If you are a fan of him, his books, and freedom in general, get off your duff and come out to support him. I will more than likely be there to ask Vince a couple of questions and to get my copy signed.

That will be all for me this week!

Take care. Drive slow in school zones. Oh, and Dad? If you are reading this, I was not pulled over in your truck going 150 miles an hour. The speedometer stopped at 100 and it had only rolled back to 20 miles an hour. I am taking the space between 100 and 20 to be about 30, which is where I came up with 150.